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Jimmy Kimmel Live
The Senate failed to pass an abortion rights bill on a shocking and unfathomable day in our nation’s history, Jimmy uses some visual aids to explain how dumb some of the arguments were, Republican candidates want to make sure everyone knows they are pro-life with a few notable exceptions, Trump reportedly asked his national security team if China was creating hurricanes and shooting them at us, newly-leaked audio of Lindsey Graham recorded just after the attack on the Capitol reveals that he was looking forward to the calming presence of Joe Biden, Mike Pence is on the road complaining about the high price of gas, Bill Gates announced that he tested positive for COVID, Mattel is rolling out a Barbie that comes with hearing aids, and our in-house movie critic Yehya reviews Marvel Studios’ Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.
There is a nationwide shortage of baby formula in the US, Elon Musk says that he will reverse Trump’s Twitter ban if his deal to buy the company goes through, Trump claims he no longer has any of the cell phones that were subpoenaed by the State of New York, the January 6th Committee has questioned almost a thousand people and are reportedly still on the fence about interviewing Trump or Pence, Dr. Oz is running for Senate and is trying very hard to be a MAGA Republican, OAN has finally been forced to fess up and run a segment admitting there was “no widespread voter fraud” perpetrated by Georgia election workers in 2020, the trailer for Avatar: Way of Water has been released with a familiar superstar addition to the cast, MMA light heavyweight Joel Bauman delivered a very honest post-fight interview, Tom Brady has lined up his next gig, and Jimmy chats with a textbook reviewer from Florida about what doesn’t fall in line with their idea of “family values.”
Jimmy makes his triumphant return after being out last week with COVID! He names all the people that he didn’t hear from while he was home with the virus, his 7-year-old daughter Jane was disappointed that she didn’t receive any gifts on Mother’s Day, Joe Biden and Donald Trump posted very different messages for Mother’s Day, former Secretary of Defense Mark Esper was on “60 Minutes” with some unbelievable stories about his time working with Trump, and Aunt Chippy gives her do’s and don’ts of what to give Mom on Mother’s Day.
Jimmy was in Washington DC over the weekend presenting the Mark Twain Prize to Jon Stewart, Marjorie Taylor Greene is getting sued by a group of her constituents who believe she is ineligible to run for re-election after her role in the January 6th attacks, the state of New York is holding Trump in civil contempt for his refusal to comply with a subpoena from the state attorney general, we are learning more about the what went down at the White House in the days leading up to the insurrection thanks to a trove of text messages from Trump Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, House Minority leader Kevin McCarthy got caught in a big lie that could get his Mar-A-Lago membership revoked, Elon Musk bought Twitter today for 44 million dollars, Trump claims he won’t rejoin because of “Truth Social,” all the nuts gathered at a Trump rally in Ohio over the weekend, and Piers Morgan sits down with Trump in what turns out to be a very revealing interview.
Matriarch of Mar-A-Lago Melania Trump turned 52, Part 2 of Trump’s contentious interview with Piers Morgan was released today and ended awkwardly, now that Elon Musk has purchased Twitter, Donald has found himself in a very Trumpy situation after raising more than 1 billion dollars to start his own media platform “Truth Social,” Devin Nunes is doing a terrible job running the new company and even Steve Doocy of Fox & Friends can’t get off of the imaginary waitlist, VP Kamala Harris tested positive for COVID, Dr. Deborah Birx from Trump’s Coronavirus task force has a new tell-all book on the way, and since our city is packed with disappointed tourists from all over the world, we give a pair of young travelers the chance to compete for a free upgrade to a luxurious hotel suite in a round of Hostel La Vista!
Ted Cruz Asked If He’d Fellate a Man, a Message for Don’t Say Gay Politicians & Have You Had An Orgy
President Biden got hit with an unidentified falling substance during a speech, the FBI has raided Rudy Giuliani’s cave over the past few weeks, Ted Cruz is on the road to do a live episode of his podcast at Yale and was asked a wonderful question by a young man who gives us real hope, a basketball fan glued herself to the floor at the Clippers/Timberwolves game, a new edition of “This Week in Florida,” one of our writers Louis Virtel breaks down the “Don’t Say Gay” laws popping up around the country, and since STDs are on the rise we thought it would be fun to go out on the street and ask people a simple but potentially revealing question – Have you had an orgy?
Conclusions are being drawn in our Capitol about whether our crazy Ex-President committed crimes while in office, Trump is out and about headlining rallies, he endorsed Dr. Oz who is running for Senate in Pennsylvania, and he took time to record a message for one of his bigliest supporters, the truth about the election slipped right out of his mouth during an interview he did, CNN got their hands on text messages between Don Jr and Trump’s Chief of Staff Mark Meadows about overturning the election, Jared Kushner’s private equity firm just scored a two billion dollar investment from a fund headed by Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman, and Marjorie Taylor Greene joined forces with Matt Gaetz to complain about Jimmy.
Now that Trump is out of office, Sean Hannity has been going hard at President Biden, but the truth is, he has been speaking in signals and sending very cleverly coded messages. Narrating the brazen and unchecked hypocrisy we are being bombarded with every day. He’s been saying things that seem to be about Biden but are quite cleverly about someone else.
Jimmy responds to Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene after she filed a complaint with the Capitol Police over a joke he made on Tuesday’s show, writes a letter to Batman in hopes of getting some help with the whole situation, Venmo-lester Matt Gaetz weighed in with a few tweets, Ted Cruz went after Mr.T online after he tweeted about getting his 2nd booster shot, we celebrate World Health Day, Nancy Pelosi tested positive for COVID, Ketanji Brown Jackson was confirmed as the first black woman on the Supreme Court, baseball is back, another edition of This Week in Florida, we get a call from Batman (George Clooney & Michael Keaton) to confirm they received Jimmy’s letter about Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Sean Hannity has been going hard on Biden, but might be talking about someone different altogether.
Matt Gaetz Pal Marjorie Taylor Greene’s “Pro-Pedophile” Meltdown & Trump Haunted By Pizza with Palin
The Kansas Jayhawks came back from being down 15 points at half to beat North Carolina in the men’s March Madness Tournament, Jimmy’s wife Molly actually correctly predicted that Kansas would win the whole thing, Obama returned to the White House for the first time since leaving office to celebrate the twelve year anniversary of the Affordable Care Act, Amazon workers at an Amazon fulfillment center in Staten Island were able to successfully unionize over the weekend and we were able to get a list of banned words from their internal messaging app, Tesla CEO Elon Musk joined the Board of Directors at Twitter after buying 9% stake in the company, Donald Trump’s “Truth Social” is still non-functional, a new study at Stanford and Yale showed that Fox viewers that were paid to watch CNN actually changed their minds on a variety of issues, Lara Trump was on Hannity to remind us all that her father-in-law is always right, Trump is still haunted by eating pizza with Sarah Palin and using a fork, Marjorie Taylor Greene called Republican Senators “pro-pedophile” for supporting Ketanji Brown Jackson, and the Georgia Department of Education has already made a new instructional video to help focus on “patriotic education.”
Heavily researched. Thoroughly vetted.
BY OMNICORE Nov 26, 2021
BY SOLO STOVE Nov 26, 2021
BY CROWD COW Nov 26, 2021
Eating well shouldn’t feel like work.