The Smoking Chair

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Jimmy Kimmel

Tucker Carlson & Don Lemon Text Post Firing, Trump Flees to Scotland & MyPillow Mike Owes $5 Million

May 8, 2023

Today is the first day of May and our nation’s newscasters are once again left in disbelief, a thirteen-year-old at the Lakers/Grizzlies game suffered a devastating loss at halftime, Trump is currently out of the country in Scotland visiting one of his golf courses, next week Trump will be in New Hampshire doing a Town Hall event on CNN, Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon have reportedly been texting each other since they were both fired, Mike Pence has yet to announce whether he plans to run for President and has the perfect line when asked about his former boss, MyPillow Mike Lindell has to shell out five million dollars because of a dumb contest he ran called “Prove Mike Wrong,” Devin Nunes is set to hit the road along with Mike Lindell and others for the “Re-Awaken America Tour,” there was quite the happenstance at the L.A. Philharmonic this weekend, and we head out to Hollywood Blvd. to see if pedestrians can pass a sobriety test.

Tucker Carlson Crawls Out of His Hole, Don Jr Interviews Trump & Pence Testifies About Insurrection

April 28, 2023

The first round of the NFL Draft took place tonight, the White House celebrated Take Your Kid to Work Day and Biden did a little Q&A with the kids, the President of South Korea provided some musical entertainment at a state dinner, there are new details about what might have led to Tucker Carlson and Fox News “parting ways,” Tuck emerged from his hole last night with a video message addressing his fans, former Vice President Mike Pence testified in front of the Special Counsel Grand Jury about his conversations with Trump surrounding January 6th, and Guillermo interrupts Jimmy’s monologue for an episode of The Guillermo Show with special guest Vin Diesel!

Fox News Has Dirt on Tucker, Trump Hints at Skipping Debates & Ted Cruz’s Plan to Overturn Election

April 27, 2023

A team of scientists is making the case that as space tourism continues to grow people will naturally start having sex in space, Melania Trump turned 53 and there is a limited time opportunity to celebrate with your own families, Trump is already hinting that he might skip the debates in the primary because he doesn’t want to subject himself to MAGA-hating anchors, Fox News has reportedly been keeping a file of dirt on Tucker Carlson in the event that he goes after the network, a former producer on his show says that Tucker ran a hostile workplace and frequent asked personal questions about on-air hosts like Maria Bartiromo, there is a tape where Ted Cruz specifically detailed his plan to overturn the 2020 election, George Santos has been trying to claim he’s Jewish for quite some time now, tonight’s clip for Excellence in Reporting goes to the team at Detroit’s Fox 2 News, and we meet some folks on Hollywood Boulevard for a round of “Couple or Siblings?”

Musk Takes Away Checkmarks, Trump Had Fun Being Indicted & DeSantis Attacks “The Woke”

April 20, 2023

We celebrate the high holy day known as 4/20, a reporter named Charlie Langton of Fox 2 News in Detroit filed his bong-hitting report from the parking lot of the Detroit “Herbal” Center, SpaceX went ahead with a rocket launch and it ended with a big explosion they called “rapid unscheduled disassembly,” today was also the great de-checkening on Twitter where everyone that didn’t sign up for Twitter Blue had their checkmark removed, Mike Lindell is getting sued by Dominion Voting Systems for $1.3 billion and an arbitration panel today ruled that Mike has to pay $5 million to the winner of the of “Prove Mike Wrong Challenge,” Trump has been busy posting videos about what a good time he had getting arrested, he has been going particularly hard on Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is going after “the woke,” George Santos has a new scandal brewing in regards to donating his salary, and in honor of 4/20 Day we go out onto Hollywood Blvd. for a round of “Who’s High?”

Fox News Shockingly Quiet About Lying to Viewers, DeSantis Tries to Outcrazy Trump & Lindell Digs In

April 20, 2023

Netflix is finally cracking down on password sharing, Fox News agreed to shell out $787.5 million dollars to settle a defamation lawsuit brough by Dominion Voting Systems, nothing on their website mentioned the story at all, Mike Lindell isn’t backing down like Fox did, the Florida Board of Education voted to extend their “Don’t Say Gay” bill to include high school students as DeSantis tries to prove he’s more ridiculous than Trump, Kim Jong Un announced that North Korea has their first spy satellite ready to launch, the Bidens shared their annual federal tax returns yesterday showing that they made $579,514 dollars, some Republicans are not on the Trump train and Chris Christie is said to be mulling a run for President, and we head out to Hollywood Blvd to see if anyone recognizes Mike Pence.

Jeremy Renner on Snowplow Accident, Getting Kicked Out of the ICU & Get Well “Cameo” from Paul Rudd

April 12, 2023

Jeremy talks about breaking over thirty bones and almost dying when he was run over by a snowplow on New Year’s Day, being on the ground for 45 minutes before an ambulance could get to him, getting kicked out of the first ICU he was in, his mom reading a Stephen King book to him while he was in the hospital, all the people reaching out to him with well wishes, a funny get well video he got from Paul Rudd, his new show “Rennervations” on Disney+, buying large vehicles like fire trucks and finding a new use for them, visiting Six Flags Magic Mountain with his daughter, and the best thing to come from his accident.

Donald Trump INDICTED by Manhattan Grand Jury

April 1, 2023

The day that many of us thought would never come has finally arrived as Donald Trump was indicted by the Manhattan Grand Jury for his role in the Stormy Daniels hush money case, Trump “truthed” a statement lashing out, now that he has been indicted he has no choice but to turn himself in for processing, Donald Trump Jr. jumped in with a special edition of his podcast to lament and fight back against the long arm of the law, Ivanka has vowed to stay out of all of this, when the news came in Fox was busy whining about Trans athletes in college sports, we got more insight into what went down at Fox News after the election, George Santos answered a bunch of questions on Fox News and he also has a great new product available.

Trump Attacks Stormy Daniels at Rally, Kanye Likes Jewish People Again & Viagra’s 25th Anniversary

March 28, 2023

Jimmy went to the Bulls/Lakers game with his son Kevin over the weekend and Patrick Beverly had a funny interaction with some fans, Gonzaga was defeated by UCONN in the NCAA tournament and Jimmy saying the school isn’t real is causing a stir up in Spokane, Congressman George Santos shot a video reviewing the new NASA Space Suit, Donald Trump was up posting about his possible indictment on Truth Social until 3:30AM this morning, Kanye has decided that he likes Jewish people now thanks to Jonah Hill’s performance in 21 Jump Street, Trump held a rally in Waco this weekend and even made time for a personal attack on his flame Stormy Daniels, he cooked up some whoppers and said that he’d end the war in Ukraine in 24 hours if he was President, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Matt Gaetz and Ted Nugent were all in attendance, today marks the 25th anniversary of the FDA approval of Viagra, and Guillermo hits the red carpet at the Succession premiere.

Biden and Trump’s Doc War Rages On, Prince Harry’s New Children’s Book & Celebrity Nextdoor Theatre

January 17, 2023

It was a wild Wild Card weekend in the NFL, President Biden gave a keynote speech at an MLK Day breakfast in Washington, five more classified documents were found at Biden’s home in Delaware and Trump weighed in bigly, Prince Harry’s new book is so popular that they’re releasing a version for kids called “The Prince and the Penis,” Kanye West has reportedly married Bianca Censori, a new Miss Universe was crowned over the weekend, the Critics’ Choice Awards were slightly less star-studded than usual because several nominees got COVID at the Golden Globes, and our latest edition of Nextdoor Theatre with help from Natalie Portman, Steven Yeun, Hannah Waddingham, Tom Hiddleston, Elizabeth Banks, Rupert Friend, Andy Garcia, Dana Carvey, Taron Egerton, Cheryl Hines, Phoebe Robinson, Danny DeVito, Alfonso Ribeiro, Rhea Seehorn, Kumail Nanjiani, Kevin Bacon & Kaitlin Olson.

Curious George Santos, Trump Wanted to Nuke North Korea & Biden’s Classified Doc Malarkey

January 15, 2023

Classified documents were found in the garage at President Biden’s house in Delaware, Attorney General Merrick Garland appointed a special counsel to look into it, a new book claims that Trump floated the idea of nuking North Korea and blaming the attack on another country, newly elected misrepresentative George Santos continues his lying streak and the press is having a hard time getting him to answer questions, Republicans from the state of New York are calling for his resignation, Prince Harry is topping the best-seller charts with his new memoir and there are several shocking reveals, Elon Musk is considering selling Twitter usernames to raise cash, and with all the rain this week, we sent our in-house meteorologist out on to Hollywood Blvd in a slippery when wet edition of “Breaking the News.”

MAGA Nuts Salivate Over Classified Biden Docs, Trump Indictment Looming & Prince Harry Reveals All

January 10, 2023

It was another dark and stormy day here in Southern California, the Georgia Bulldogs clobbered TCU to win the College Football Championship for a second year in a row, Joe Biden left a handful of classified documents from when he was Vice President in his private office at the University of Pennsylvania, the MAGA crowd and Daddy Donald are very excited about this revelation even though both cases are very different, the Grand Jury that has been looking into whether Team Trump interfered with the 2020 election has concluded their investigation and an indictment could soon be on the way, Newsmax is working overtime to get Americans mad about short people, Prince Harry’s revealing royal memoir finally came out, and we take to the street to see if men walking by have a nickname for their penis.

Republicans STILL Can’t Elect a Speaker, Trump Stands by McCarthy & Louisiana Cracks Down on Porn

January 5, 2023

A “bomb cyclone” is on the loose and there are flood warnings across California, Southwest Airlines got hit with another outage yesterday that grounded about 140 flights, Republicans in the House of Representatives have once again failed to reach a consensus on who will be their speaker as Kevin McCarthy has now lost six times, Donald Trump posted on Truth Social in support of McCarthy, Republicans removed metal detectors from the House entrances as their first act in the majority which was great cause of celebration for Lauren Boebert, MyPillow Mike Lindell has an interesting plan, Louisiana has a new state law that requires a government-issued ID in order to watch online porn, and we tracked down a movie theater employee from Texas who went viral over the holidays for his impressive skills behind the snack counter and is now known as “The Popcorn Guy!”

Trump Slams Disloyal Jewish People, Marjorie Taylor Greene Fumes Over Dildos & Musk Trolls Fauci

December 15, 2022

Secret Service swept our building for former First Lady Michelle Obama’s visit, CBS aired the national tree lighting special, the official White House holiday ornament is for sale, Jimmy goes through the various gingerbread houses that have been built at the White House over the years, Trump is still upset that got called out for having dinner with Kanye and his white supremacist friend, the World’s Greatest Boss Elon Musk announced that Twitter will soon increase the character limit to 4,000, his trolling continued over the weekend when he posted that his pronouns are “Prosecute and Fauci,” a young guy came up to Jimmy over the weekend and asked why he didn’t have love for Elon, Marjorie Taylor Greene gave quite the acceptance speech at the Young Republican Club Gala in New York, Tucker Carlson tackled the topic of dildos and butt plugs being on sale at CVS, Jimmy sent his Christmas card over the weekend and noticed a big mistake on the front of it, and with so little time before Christmas, Guillermo and Jimmy sat down with kids to help Santa figure out who is naughty, and who is nice.

Dumb GOP Politicians Tried to Overturn Election, Musk Loses Richest Man Title & Chanucorn Returns!

December 15, 2022

Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas is You is number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart again, President Biden signed the Respect for Marriage Act protecting same-sex and interracial marriage, we are learning more about what happened leading up to the attack on our Capitol on January 6th, Mark Meadows reportedly texted with 34 Republican lawmakers exchanging ideas and suggestions for how they might be able to overturn the election, Elon Musk is no longer the richest man in the world, Kanye West is still spinning out , and with four days left until Hanukkah we get our annual visit from the Chanucorn.

Trump Hoards Classified Documents, Herschel Loses in Georgia & Will Ferrell Sells His Junk for Xmas

December 8, 2022

Former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer & Congresswoman Lauren Boebert both made blunders while tweeting about Pearl Harbor Day, Herschel Walker lost last night to Senator Raphael Warnock in the Georgia runoff election, Trump took to Truth Social to declare that our country is in big trouble after Herschel’s loss, new information is being released about Trump’s classified documents, an ad aired on Fox News today with Donny’s voice, the White House hosted a round table with Jewish leaders to tackle this newest wave of anti-Semitism, Google released their annual “Year in Search” report, and Will Ferrell interrupts Jimmy’s monologue to sell some of his junk for Christmas.

Trump Is Back By Unpopular Demand, Ivanka Bails on Daddy & Marjorie Taylor Greene Wants VP Spot

November 17, 2022

Donald Trump is back by unpopular demand after announcing his 2024 presidential campaign at Mar-a-Lago, he entered to a song from the musical “Les Misérables,” he gave a weird rambling speech with many false statements, Fox News cut away from him before the speech was even over, his beloved NY Post threw some shade at him, many prominent members of his inner-circle were notably absent including three of his kids, Ivanka announced that she will not be involved in her dad’s political career anymore, MyPillow Mike Lindell was on the scene all fired up and raging against the machines, Jimmy was served an ad on Twitter for a “Return of the Great MAGA King” silver coin, Trump has lost the support of some big Republican donors, Marjorie Taylor Greene is hoping for the VP spot, Herschel Walker is busy talking about Vampires, and we invited the exceptionally talented P!nk to put her talent to the test in a round of “Wing It & Sing It.”

Trump’s BIG Announcement at Mar-a-Lago, GOP Keeps Their Distance & Pence Sheds Light on Insurrection

November 17, 2022

The final votes for last week’s midterm elections are still being counted but the race for 2024 has already begun, Donald Trump made a big announcement tonight at Mar-a-Lago surrounded by dozens of his closest friends and thousands of classified documents, Trump is expected to launch another campaign for President, many Republicans are moving to distance themselves from Trump, January 6th “stop the stealer” Ali Alexander was invited to attend Trump’s announcement speech, Mike Pence released his mildly-anticipated memoir and shed light on what went down on January 6th, Trump Worshiper Kari Lake has been defeated in the race for Governor in Arizona, we are all still trying to figure out what Herschel Walker is saying, and our very own Guillermo was honored by the Critics’ Choice Association for their Celebration of Latino Cinema and Television.

Wild New Trump Tell-All, Herschel Walker’s Abortion Scandal & Jimmy Talks to Scared Squirrel Guy

October 5, 2022

The bigly anticipated new tell-all book about Donald Trump “Confidence Man” came out today, in 2017 Trump held a meeting where he said that “the gays love me,” he told Rudy to “do anything” to overturn the election, he apparently wasn’t watching TV on January 6th, he used to make fun of Jared Kushner often, Donald Jr. raved about his dad catching a sharpie on stage, Senate candidate Herschel Walker has been accused of paying for a former lover’s abortion, Herschel’s son Christian Walker decided that he’s had enough of his father’s lies, and we talk to a man named James Reik from Pittsburgh who was rudely interrupted in his home office by a squirrel.